Self-diagnosis

October 13, 2009

This is what I want to find out from my therapist this morning:

Is bipolar always treated in priority to anxiety, even when the latter is more currently a problem?

My first diagnosis was anxiety & depression, for which I was given a mild SSRI (celexa/citalopram), with the warning that it may trigger mania if I were bipolar.

The SSRI or extreme stress (not sure which) caused a hypomanic episode, months after I’d started the SSRI.

I’ve had 4 manic episodes & at least 1 major depressive episode (self-diagnosis), but they were all over 4 years ago.

Therefore it seems like the anxiety should be the primary focus of treatment, with the caveat that my meds need to not trigger my bipolar.

I’ve been self-medicating with some extra Seroquel the last couple of days, but it makes me too drowsy to function… it’s otherwise great.

UPDATE:

My therapist gently asked, “What about yesterday, when you emailed me about how unstable you were?”

Yesterday is a whole internal universe away, so I had no idea how to answer.

My next step? See the psychiatrist armed only with a few charts that give him a clear picture of my ups, downs, and problems, not with my ego.

From salted lithium (who is an excellent, excellent writer):

“I need a fucking intervention… I need people who know what they’re doing to stand up and hand me a plan. Because, really, I’ve spent twelve of nineteen years not knowing what it was I was supposed to do… and it’s gotten me exactly here.”

Exactly.

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